The Stories

Reflections from a disaster response worker

As relief workers battle overwhelming need in the parched lands of East Africa and other parts of the world, former Tearfund disaster response worker Ed Walker recalls the ups and downs of life in ‘the field’.

When you arrive at your destination your emotions are all at sea. The last few days or weeks have been difficult: waiting to hear if you will be deployed, wondering where you will go, what your role will be. Then you finally get the call – you are excited, anxious, nervous, emotional, scared all at once.

During the briefing stage in London, I was always trying to keep the lid on these emotions – at times struggling to keep tears at bay. When you are feeling vulnerable, even something tiny can tip you over the edge: suddenly you learn you can only take 20kg of luggage onto the plane and that a vital bit of field equipment also needs to go in your belongings.

By the time I got in the car for the airport I was a mess.

I would always try to get an overnight flight: while I love flying I find airports tiring, and often the emotions of the day and the late night in the departure lounge meant that by the time I got on the plane I was exhausted and would fall asleep – often before take-off.

I would wake early and look out of the plane’s window at the sun rising. With nobody disturbing me, at last the joy and sanctuary of ‘me-time’.

With the Bible open I could read through some Psalms (Psalm 91 was a favourite if I was going to a hot country) and bring my worries and emotions to our mighty and loving God. By the time I landed I’d be more excited than worried. Bring it on!

Then sensory overload: new climate, new vegetation, funny accents – I realise it will take me a while to tune in to this one: ‘Can you really carry all that on one bike?’ ‘That’s a pretty big gun,’ ‘Blimey, it’s hot,’ ‘No, my name is Ed, not Aids.’ New town names to remember, new faces to recognise; more importantly, will I get along with them? Briefing documents, project information to digest, meetings to go to. Where am I going to sleep tonight? Should I be scared by that spider?

During the first two weeks it’s hard to take everything in – setting up is always more stressful, as things aren’t yet fully in place. You are making decisions on what projects to run, writing proposals and trying to get to know and organise a team.

I would try to bury whatever emotions and stresses I was feeling and mask them with a face of calm. I rarely succeeded, but the following emotions were my constant companions in the field – on certain days I felt some more keenly than others, but they were always there:

JOY: What an amazing privilege to serve some of the most materially poor people on the planet and to work in such far-flung corners of the world and meet such a range of people groups.

LOVE: When I looked into the eyes of the local people and saw beyond the cultural, linguistic and wealth differences, I could see into their heart and recognise them as a human equally loved by God, just as deserving as me and you. No longer were they a pastoral nomad I could not relate to. They became my brother, my sister, my mother, my father, my daughter – alike in every way.

ANGER: At the injustice that in the 21st century a child can still die from lack of healthcare, that a mother has to walk eight hours to get assistance during a difficult pregnancy, that powerful people can wantonly bomb or attack an innocent and struggling people group.

STRESS: The demanding workload – often covering for other people, often in tough physical environments with very basic infrastructure.

DREAD: That something terrible might happen to one of my colleagues working in a volatile area of a war-affected region.

SADNESS: At missing key moments in the lives of friends and family back home.

ENERGY: Because – I loved what I was doing and felt passionate about it.

Please pray for Tearfund’s relief teams across the world who are currently responding to humanitarian crises caused by conflict, injustice and natural disaster. Pray for their protection and that God will use them to save lives, reduce vulnerability and bring hope and dignity.

Ed worked for Tearfund in Burundi, Darfur, South Sudan, Kenya, Sierra Leone and Liberia and alongside Tearfund Ireland’s Chief Executive Reuben Coulter.

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